Finding Your Authentic Leadership Style When the System Pushes Back

When I first started my conducting career, there were almost no women conducting orchestras that I could look at and say: that’s how it’s done.

I had no blueprint, so I had to build my own leadership voice inside a system that wasn’t designed for me.

That’s the paradox many leaders face: you want to be authentic, but you also have to succeed in structures that weren’t built with you in mind.

If you lean too far into fitting the system, you lose yourself. If you ignore the system completely, you lose effectiveness. The real work of leadership is navigating this paradox without breaking.

Here’s what I’ve learned that works both on stage and in boardrooms:

1. Separate Identity from Tactics

Your principles, meaning your identity as a leader, are non-negotiable. But your tactics, how you express them, should be flexible. Most leaders confuse the two, which results in their authenticity either getting watered down or turning into rigidity.

Identity is the “why.” Tactics are the “how.” Here are some examples:

• Identity: “I always tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.”

  Tactic variations: Asking a direct question instead of giving a blunt verdict. Showing data and letting the silence do the work. Delivering a tough message one-on-one instead of in public.

  
  

• Identity: “I don’t believe in leading by fear.”

  Tactic variations: Writing clear standards and consequences. Removing drama from feedback. Using curiosity instead of accusation.

  
  

You stay authentic by refusing to cross the line. You stay effective by adapting tactics to the moment.

Try this: Write down three lines you won’t cross as a leader, these are your values, your identity. Then, list three different tactics for expressing each one. Suddenly, you’re not boxed in. Instead, you’ve built range without compromising your core.

Mistake to avoid: Saying “this is just who I am” when really you’re refusing to refine your delivery. Authenticity isn’t a shield for poor communication.

Our signature executive performance workshops

2. Borrow, Then Edit

Every leader begins by copying. That’s totally normal. You imitate the people ahead of you, whether it’s CEOs, conductors or mentors. However, staying in imitation mode is not an option when you’re looking to develop your own leadership style.

The real move is to borrow, test, then edit until the tactic is undeniably yours.

The 3-step loop:

1. Borrow one tactic you respect. Maybe it’s how a CFO frames risk, or how a conductor resets an orchestra after mistakes.

2. Test it under pressure. See what feels natural vs. what feels forced.

3. Edit it so it becomes yours. Keep only what lands with impact and aligns with your identity.

   
   

I once tried copying a famous conductor’s stone-cold stare. He so looked powerful when he did it. When I tried it, it was a joke. it wasn't my authentic leadership style. The orchestra froze, and not out of respect. The musicians were completely confused because it just wasn’t me.

So I kept his brevity but replaced the icy atmosphere with precise direction, using my own true authority.

Mistake to avoid: Collecting tactics like souvenirs. Don’t deploy something because it looked good on someone else, deploy it if makes sense for the leader you are and make sure it actually shifts results in your context.

3. Test in Small Doses

Don’t stage a dramatic “big reveal” of your authentic style. That’s more about ego than leadership. Instead, run micro-bets - small, reversible experiments that sharpen your style in the field.

The 5–15–50 framework:

• 5% change (today): Try one new behavior in your next meeting. Example: Open with a clear decision statement: “We need to decide X today.”

• 15% change (this week): Apply the behavior across three different meetings. Watch to understand what shifts. Faster decisions? Clearer accountability?

• 50% change (this month): If the signal is positive, institutionalize it. Make it a standard for how your team operates.

• 
  

Measure results by outcomes, not feelings. If the tactic failed, drop it and move on.

Guardrails That Keep You Focused

1. Authenticity ≠ unfiltered emotion. If your “authentic” delivery shuts people down, refine it.

2. Adaptation ≠ selling out. Adjusting tactics to fit context is strategy, not compromise.

3. Consistency > intensity. Small, repeated behaviors rewire culture faster than dramatic one-offs.

4. Results filter authenticity. If it feels authentic but creates chaos, it’s not ready. Keep the value and change the form.

   
   

Scripts to Steal (and Make Yours)

1. When someone dumps an impossible deadline on you“I can give you everything, or I can give it to you fast. I can’t do both. Which do you want?”

2. When the team keeps circling without deciding“We’re stuck, so here’s my call: we go with option B. If anyone has hard evidence this will backfire, tell me today. If not, we move forward with this.”

3. When a meeting is going nowhere“Enough talk, we’re spinning. What do we actually know, and what’s the very next step?”

4. When you want people to speak up but not stall progress“Before we lock this in - what’s the biggest risk I’m not seeing? One point each, then we decide.”

The Point

Authenticity isn’t about exposure, but about improving your alignment, making sure your inner compass and your conduct are pointing in the same direction. You can transform your leadership without imitating, diluting, or betraying yourself.

It’s hard, especially if you’re the only one doing it, but that’s what makes it worth it. Because when you lead from a place of grounded authenticity, people feel it instantly.

Where to Go From Here

Every week, I host a private, invite-only Q&A for VPs, senior managers, and executives. No slides or theory. Real questions, decisions and transformation.

👉 Join the waitlist here to secure your spot on the next session